Today, the concept of a ‘performative male’ is popular amongst Gen-Z men: this type of man can be found carrying an iced matcha latte in one hand and feminist literature in the other. Before the 2020s, the ‘performative male’ mainly referred to men who religiously went to the gym simply for the purpose of posting their workout on Instagram. Although these two examples of men may seem wildly different, they are really two sides of the same coin. In both cases, ‘masculinity’ functions less as an internal reality and more as a performance: something curated, rehearsed, and most importantly, done with an audience in mind. 

Let’s ask ourselves: What do we do for ourselves, and what do we do because we know people are watching? And, more importantly, has social media’s 24/7 stage lighting made it impossible to detect the difference? 

When we talk about what it means to be a ‘performative man’, it isn't about acting ‘fake’, but rather more about how gender itself works like a script we each were handed before we could even read it. This phenomenon is analysed by philosopher and gender studies scholar Judith Butler, who believes that gender is not biological but in fact “performative” by nature. Butler introduces her theory of gender performativity most famously in her book Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Beauty and continues to develop it further in Bodies That Matter. These texts became foundational in gender studies because they challenge the assumption that gender is something innate. Butler’s main idea is that every aspect of human existence is innately social, so gender must be a socialized element too. She argues that gender is not something we are, but something we do. It is essentially created through a repetition of gestures, actions, and behavior. Think about how boys get blue clothes and the phrase “man up” thrown at them before they even know what masculinity is supposed to mean. This idea of performance, however, isn't exclusive to men. Girls are gifted baby dolls, reminded to be “lady-like”, and praised for focusing on their physical presentation. None of us are exempt from the performance of gender. 

It is important to note that the only reason we feel that these gender norms are so natural is because we have seen them rehearsed forever, literally, since birth. In Gender Trouble, Butler writes how this constant repetition of gender norms through culture has made them feel like second nature. Individuals do not consciously ‘act’ their gender; it is society that sets the stage for you to live your role without questioning it. As mentioned in Bodies That Matter, gender is assigned the moment a baby is declared a boy or a girl. That moment is what initiates a lifelong series of expectations, these expectations dictating how one should speak, dress, feel, and want. Gender and its meaning for an individual's life are largely shaped by the social context into which we are born. 

So keeping this in mind, consider how Butler’s theory can help us make sense of the modern ‘performative male’. Recall that Butler believes gender is born out of socially enforced behaviors we continue to perform, receiving positive feedback for doing so in return – now we might be closer to discovering the true intention behind that man on the subway reading Sylvia Plath and listening to Fiona Apple at maximum volume. Today’s sensitive, politically correct, feminist man does not break the gender script as much as he may think he is; he simply follows a newer version of it. This means that the qualities that are rewarded now (and may still be perceived as ‘not like other guys’) may include, but are not limited to: emotional fluency, a progressive mindset, and blaming systemic issues on the patriarchy. These practices have become just as performative as taking steroids to bulk up. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with a man adopting these objectively good traits if he is in fact being sincere. Emotional intelligence and basic human empathy shouldn't be niche interests. But the social suspicion many people have – and let’s be honest, not for no reason – is that this new genre of man is not as nearly committed to dismantling toxic masculinity as his mini patchwork tattoos might want to suggest. Instead, he performs the aesthetics of awareness because it gets him exactly what any performance aims for: applause. And it happens that the applause is the loudest coming from women who have spent years yearning and campaigning for softer, more emotionally attuned men who appear less allergic to vulnerability. So, of course, some men have picked up on this and tried it out themselves, hoping to be met with immediate praise and romantic interest. But performing as “emotionally evolved” isn’t the same thing as unlearning internalised patriarchal habits. This behavior still signals a certain brand of masculinity, one that is curated for the algorithm and the dating landscape. Butler would likely say that the ‘performative male’ is no less performative than his gym-rat predecessors; they just have different props. Similarly, women inherit their own set of instructions that come with gender: to be likeable, accomodating, and honestly, to be everything at once. Though, I would argue that these qualities have remained fairly constant throughout history. 

In the end, maybe the issue isn’t that men perform, it’s the fact that we have all performed our gender for so long that we now fail to notice the script. The real challenge is becoming aware of the roles that have been contextually assigned to us, and questioning which ones ring true to ourselves and which might be worth rewriting. Gender may always involve performance of some sort but, at the very least, we can learn to not confuse the costume for the character.