A few days ago, I was having a conversation about a TV series when a girl surprised me by rudely stating that Sex and the City is a show about pathetic, sex-obsessed women. The comment frustrated me: a disappointingly high number of people tend to underestimate the value of having had iconic women like Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte on screen for years. I am not saying that the show is particularly profound t: it is light, comic, and entertaining – which it means to be – but it is also full of many valuable lessons that beautifully navigate the complexity and richness of female friendships.

We are all familiar with the image of a clique: a close-knit group of friends who know each other inside out and stick together, forsaking anyone outside the group. The women of Sex and the City might be the ultimate example of these dynamics: firm friends who regularly meet for brunch and cocktails, talking about everything with one another. Thinking back to their definition as icons, these women both represented and arguably dictated a generation’s frustrations with dating, working, and trying to have it all.

More importantly, Sex and the City firmly dismantled what Bad Feminist author Roxane Gay described as “the cultural myth that all female friendships must be bitchy, toxic, or competitive. This myth is like heels and purses – pretty but designed to slow women down.” Instead, the narrative implied that behind every great woman are her equally great female friends. For centuries, we have had countless social and cultural images portraying women as spiteful or malicious — from the evil stepmother in Snow White, to Sigourney Weaver’s manipulative lady boss in the eighties drama Working Girl, and then the conniving ladies at court in The Great. Sex and the City offered an alternative, with its intense and aspirational depiction of what a female bond between four intelligent, working women can look like in the modern world. The show began to dismantle the myth that women can’t or won’t support each other.

Film historian Shelley Cobb agrees. In a 2019 interview, she explained that traditionally, even in Hollywood, “the [female] friendship always has to be subordinated to maturity, which is usually signalled by marriage, but also by motherhood…”

And don’t we remember Miranda’s anxiety after having her son, her fear that motherhood might prevent her from seeing and having fun with her friends like before, as though becoming a mother would confine her and deprive her of something crucial?

And in that moment of profound discomfort, what do good friends like Samantha do? She gives up her coveted hair appointment to babysit Miranda’s child so the new mom can relax and take care of herself.

There is something so powerful about the special type of comfort and love women can offer one another, helping each other through the hardest moments and making the joyful ones even better.

This intimacy is evident in the group of four, who share absolutely everything with one another… and no one else. OK, sometimes they let Stanford join in, but only when it’s not “just the girls this time” (I’m looking at you, season six Carrie). Having male friends is a wonderful experience and a prized part of life, I for one consider a group of rugby guys among my dearest friends. Yet Carrie rightfully reminds us that some moments are simply “for the girls only.” Sorry, Stanford.

Moreover, female friendships are incredibly powerful to see on television. When portrayed well, they can feel incredibly authentic, precisely because they are so difficult to depict accurately. Knowing you have a support system of women who offer a kind of strength, confidence, and solidarity that few other bonds can replicate makes an unpredictable world far easier to face.

When everything fades away, what does being a friend truly mean? The scenes of my own friendships range from simple movie nights to incredible travelling, intimate confessions,and even accompanying one another to stressful medical appointments.

Everyone’s experiences and favourite memories with friends may look completely different and that is perfectly normal. There is no single way to measure the quality or meaningfulness of a friendship. SATC offered a perspective on friendship, not a prescription for it. Feminist icon Gloria Steinem expressed this beautifully when she said: “[Friendship] is not about how often, necessarily. It shouldn’t become a duty that you do whatever once a month. It’s just that the person is always there in moments of celebration or sorrow.”

Being there when it truly matters is a love language that women’s reciprocal support consistently demonstrates. The familiar images — maid of honour, godmother to your children, intimate confidante, or partner in adventurous crimes — all reflect the depth and sweetness of female friendship.

This is all not to say that we should become entirely emotionally dependent on our female friends. When you start to consider the women in your life as family, it is beautiful — but as SATC reminds us, stereotypes and societal expectations can often be limiting.

In Samantha’s words:“Listen to me. The right guy is an illusion. Start living your lives.” Once again, the show reveals its powerful feminist messages about women’s ambition, courage, and most importantly, independence.

And with particular attention to the series’s last lines:

“The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the way you want, well, that’s just fabulous.”

So before writing off a show and falling prey to stereotypes that judge women for openly discussing their desires and sexuality, think twice - what may appear superficial can actually reveal the strength, self-awareness, and solidarity we should aspire to.