Think Tank

With the flicker of the candle light
I catch a glimpse, a reflection
Of myself in the window next to this preset dinner table
And just for a second, I wonder
What i look like ot all these people
Am i slouching too much?
Are my eyes focused?
Do I seem involved enough?
Or is this reflection a mode of trickery?

“Jenifer, are you listening to me?”
The question posed seems distant
Like it’s posed from outside the bubble of my brain
But this alien voice is trying to hammer its way in
“Yes, of course. I’m sorry Shirely. Remind me of what you were saying.”

I wonder if she see what’s going through my mind
Does she notice that I feel out of place?
Or am I just too consumed in my think tank?

All these people sat around me
Peer at me through your tainted wine glasses
Half drunk and dizzy
I wonder what they see
I wonder what you think of me

Do they see my lipstick smudged from slowly sipping at my wine
Or the crumbs from the crackers I can feel poking around my lips
Can they sense how unpolished I feel compared to them?

“Jenifer… Jenifer… did you hear me?”
Thud
Thud
There is a sudden pressure on my think tank
Someone is trying to breach these barriers I’ve crafted for myself
“Can I get you a piece of pie?”
“I’m good thanks.”

Was that the right response?
Did I even make eye contact with Shirley?”
Are they judging me?
Am I being rude by not engaging in anyone’s conversations?
It’s not my intention
I’ve just been distracted by the web of thoughts swirling through my mind
The stretching of questioning that locks me into this think tank.