Think of all the times you instantly formed an opinion about someone just a few moments after meeting them. Many people claim that they have a strong intuition or an unmistakable gut feeling, bragging that they are a good judge of character. Well, sorry to rain on your parade, but most of us are capable of this; studies showthat after just 1/10th of a second (shorter than the average blink time) of looking at a person for the first time, we can confidently determine if we find them attractive, trustworthy, competent, aggressive and likeable. Not only that, but 70% of the time our snap judgment turns out to be true. Now, let’s be honest – no one cares about all that “studies show …” bullsh*t. Let’s talk about what really matters here.

The world we live in is harsh, and it shapes us to be that way too. Our lives are fast-paced, judgments quick and interactions fleeting, leaving little time for reflections or meaningful connections. So, when a new person appears in the blur of activity we call a normal day, they don’t stand a chance against our built in scanner: skin color – check; gender – check; body language – check; the look in their eyes, the presence (or absence) of a smile, the tone of their voice – check, check, check. And just like that, we have already made a personal description of them before even hearing their name. Sounds a bit unfair, don’t you think?

So, why do we cling to first impressions? In our defense, it’s partly evolutionary. Our ancestors’ survival depended on their ability to tell the wolf from the sheep. But in modern society, where such dangers are scarce, this instinct feels misplaced. The other reason is convenience – stopping and taking the time to truly and patiently get to know someone feels like a luxury we cannot often afford. That is why we choose to rely on shortcuts: a smile indicates friendliness, a firm handshake shows confidence, a chin pointed up appears egocentric, crossed arms suggest defensiveness... the list goes on and on, and even if we don’t know what it contains, we subconsciously perceive it without a problem. As we genuinely believe these assumptions to be true most of the time, it’s easier to just trust our gut and skip “wasting” our time with unnecessary analyses which would probably lead to similar conclusions.

However, no matter how accurate our first impression is, it’s certainly not immune to the influence of a bias. Whether we like it or not, social and cultural stereotypes are so deeply ingrained in our minds that it is virtually impossible to stay objective. Previous experiences, societal conditioning and prejudicial norms shape how we view others, distorting our instinctive “people reading” skills. Both the judger and the judged are aware of this, which leads us to the end result: each interaction, like a well-rehearsed play, consists of both individuals walking on eggshells trying to find a way to seamlessly avoid behavior commonly associated with negative impressions and present themselves in the best possible light, even if it means they need to alter who they truly are.

This endless performance may shield us from rejection or judgment, but it also robs us of something far more valuable: the chance to see and be seen for who we truly are. We are so focused on deriving the formula for the flawless first impression and the method of “reading” someone perfectly that we fail to capture the true face of the world that can only be discovered if we let our guard down. But what if we slowed down for just a second and gave ourselves and others time to think? Could we finally see the depth of strangers’ hearts only the human eye can behold? Could we once again observe what’s hidden behind another’s gaze? Or have we as a society lost that capability in this whirlwind of perfectionism?

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry,The Little Prince